Up in the air . . . with infinite possibilities


What is love? The age old question that people have been attempting to define for thousands of years in their own, twisted way. Love can be a great deal of things, and it’s difficult for me to even put it into some type of box in order to describe it.

Over the years, I’ve learned what love and loving someone and being in love with someone is and what it is not. But even then, I am sometimes confused about whether or not my feelings for certain people I thought I loved or was in love with and vice-versa, were actually genuine or were they something else?
Love isn’t unhealthy, it’s not possessive, it’s not manipulative or disrespectful, it’s not hurtful. Love isn’t selfish or one-sided. I do believe it exists. I also believe you can love all of the people in your life differently, but at the end of the day, true, unconditional love is acceptance of another human, flaws and all.

I truly believe love was best defined in The Bible, surprisingly enough. The Biblical definition comes from II Corinthians 13:4-13.

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

To me, that is everything that “Love” is. Love is kind and patient. It isn’t jealous or braggadocios. It’s respectful and selfless. It is understanding and accepting. It doesn’t hold grudges. It is honest. It’s safe, comfortable, trusting and trustworthy. It doesn’t just give up at the first sign of issues. There is no doubt in love. Love is healthy. Love is maturity. Love is growth. Love is fulfilling. Love is everything.

But love, that is healthy, that is honest, that is genuine, is so difficult to find. It’s so difficult that it frightens me. Especially love that is reciprocated to both parties. There’s so many hurt, confused, and emotionally detached people in the world, that are so jaded and bitter that they do everything in their power to run away from love. Some people have never experienced love, from childhood to adulthood, so they don’t even know what it feels like to be loved in a healthy way. Others hardly know what it means to love themselves, let alone having to love other people. Then there’s the people afraid to be vulnerable enough to allow themselves to love and for others to love them. People afraid to love and be loved because of what an emotionally broken or confused person did to them beforehand. So many damaged souls, myself included.

I know love, I am love, and I want to love again and to be loved genuinely, in a healthy and fulfilling loving relationship. That may be the most difficult feat that I will ever have to take on, and I can honestly say that I’m a little scared to put myself out there to find what I deserve. But with every risk, comes a reward and I’m ready to take on that risk.

Why Do We Have To Wait?

About a half hour ago, I saw a tweet retweeted onto my Twitter timeline stating that “There’s no shortage of good men, women just have to learn how to be patient.” I won’t get into why I feel like a woman tweeting that is ridiculous… yet, but I will ask a series of questions in reference to that tweet. Why do we have to be patient? Why do we have to wait? What’s in it for us? Is a good man that’s finally ready to act like one a prize? After years of being patient, will the heaven’s open and will we as women miraculously be awarded with the man of our dreams? This patriarchal society in which we live has really made it easy for men (Go figure). They have engrained into our heads that men are pretty much “come as you are” creatures. Take them as they are, or have nothing at all. A man can be the most horrible human being on earth, and still have a woman or women fawning over his terrible ass. Meanwhile, women have to be borderline perfect in every essence of the word, regardless of how foolish it is to think this way being that nobody is perfect. A woman has to be beautiful, have an amazing body, be loving, be caring, be empathetic and sympathetic, compassionate, have a good heart, be motherly, respectable, trustworthy, classy, know how to act in a public setting, be pure, but also be a freak for her man, be quiet, be patient, be intelligent and semi-educated, be a homemaker, be willing to be accommodating to the BS men pull… and the list goes on and on or else a woman will be deemed a cat lady or a spinster for the rest of her days. Oh, what will a woman do without a MAN! 😱 I don’t know how many times I’ve been told that I am an ideal woman. Just yesterday, one of my homeboys told me that I am the type of woman any Black man would want. He proceeded to list of the qualities that I possess and after I said “Thanks”, it really made me think. Here I am the “ideal woman” in many of the men I encounter’s eyes, and yet I don’t have a man… and when I have had one, none were ready completely for me. Am I supposed to sit around and patiently wait for the stars to align, the timing to be perfect, and for there to be no distance, to finally find a man that is ready to be the man that I need? Or am I supposed to focus on myself, my hopes, and my dreams, and if I happen to meet a man that is worthy and deserving of everything that I know that I am, inside and out, then it won’t even feel like I’ve been waiting. It will be a blessing. See, we as women give these men that aren’t ready a pass. We take them as they are and wait around hoping one day that he’ll see in us what we see in ourselves already and that he’ll accept us for the women we already know that we are like we are “supposed” to do with them. I’m no longer here for that. I shouldn’t have to wait for a damn thing. What I will do is continue striving to be the best woman I can be on my own and if a wonderful man happens to show up who wants to support my journey and vice versa, then that will be the true prize for us both.

No more freeloaders or renters in my life. Looking for one BUYER that’s serious and not faking, FOR REAL THIS TIME! I absolutely love and agree with this concept on relationships. Y’all really have to check this album out.

"The more I give, the more you want.
Is this good for the both of us?
Is it, for the both of us?
Feeling like I’ve done enough.
I just want a, I just want a happy home…”

We have to stop selling ourselves short.

If a man really likes you, values you and wants you to be his woman, he will put in the extra effort to build a connection with you. He will pick up the phone, instead of relying on texting as his sole means of communicating. He will court you. He will support you, he will compliment you and he will go out of his way to keep a smile on your face.

That is the BARE minimum you should want out of a man when dating. The problem with women not getting what they want out of relationships, normally lies in the fact that they are not exactly sure what they want to begin with. If you aren’t specific and honest with yourself when it comes to the expectations you have from the guys that you date, you are liable to settle for anything.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that refusing to settle doesn’t exactly mean that you will be single forever. It means that you have the patience to wait for what you truly deserve.


(via thisisnecole)