Up in the air . . . with infinite possibilities


What is love? The age old question that people have been attempting to define for thousands of years in their own, twisted way. Love can be a great deal of things, and it’s difficult for me to even put it into some type of box in order to describe it.

Over the years, I’ve learned what love and loving someone and being in love with someone is and what it is not. But even then, I am sometimes confused about whether or not my feelings for certain people I thought I loved or was in love with and vice-versa, were actually genuine or were they something else?
Love isn’t unhealthy, it’s not possessive, it’s not manipulative or disrespectful, it’s not hurtful. Love isn’t selfish or one-sided. I do believe it exists. I also believe you can love all of the people in your life differently, but at the end of the day, true, unconditional love is acceptance of another human, flaws and all.

I truly believe love was best defined in The Bible, surprisingly enough. The Biblical definition comes from II Corinthians 13:4-13.

"4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

To me, that is everything that “Love” is. Love is kind and patient. It isn’t jealous or braggadocios. It’s respectful and selfless. It is understanding and accepting. It doesn’t hold grudges. It is honest. It’s safe, comfortable, trusting and trustworthy. It doesn’t just give up at the first sign of issues. There is no doubt in love. Love is healthy. Love is maturity. Love is growth. Love is fulfilling. Love is everything.

But love, that is healthy, that is honest, that is genuine, is so difficult to find. It’s so difficult that it frightens me. Especially love that is reciprocated to both parties. There’s so many hurt, confused, and emotionally detached people in the world, that are so jaded and bitter that they do everything in their power to run away from love. Some people have never experienced love, from childhood to adulthood, so they don’t even know what it feels like to be loved in a healthy way. Others hardly know what it means to love themselves, let alone having to love other people. Then there’s the people afraid to be vulnerable enough to allow themselves to love and for others to love them. People afraid to love and be loved because of what an emotionally broken or confused person did to them beforehand. So many damaged souls, myself included.

I know love, I am love, and I want to love again and to be loved genuinely, in a healthy and fulfilling loving relationship. That may be the most difficult feat that I will ever have to take on, and I can honestly say that I’m a little scared to put myself out there to find what I deserve. But with every risk, comes a reward and I’m ready to take on that risk.

Why Do We Have To Wait?

About a half hour ago, I saw a tweet retweeted onto my Twitter timeline stating that “There’s no shortage of good men, women just have to learn how to be patient.” I won’t get into why I feel like a woman tweeting that is ridiculous… yet, but I will ask a series of questions in reference to that tweet. Why do we have to be patient? Why do we have to wait? What’s in it for us? Is a good man that’s finally ready to act like one a prize? After years of being patient, will the heaven’s open and will we as women miraculously be awarded with the man of our dreams? This patriarchal society in which we live has really made it easy for men (Go figure). They have engrained into our heads that men are pretty much “come as you are” creatures. Take them as they are, or have nothing at all. A man can be the most horrible human being on earth, and still have a woman or women fawning over his terrible ass. Meanwhile, women have to be borderline perfect in every essence of the word, regardless of how foolish it is to think this way being that nobody is perfect. A woman has to be beautiful, have an amazing body, be loving, be caring, be empathetic and sympathetic, compassionate, have a good heart, be motherly, respectable, trustworthy, classy, know how to act in a public setting, be pure, but also be a freak for her man, be quiet, be patient, be intelligent and semi-educated, be a homemaker, be willing to be accommodating to the BS men pull… and the list goes on and on or else a woman will be deemed a cat lady or a spinster for the rest of her days. Oh, what will a woman do without a MAN! 😱 I don’t know how many times I’ve been told that I am an ideal woman. Just yesterday, one of my homeboys told me that I am the type of woman any Black man would want. He proceeded to list of the qualities that I possess and after I said “Thanks”, it really made me think. Here I am the “ideal woman” in many of the men I encounter’s eyes, and yet I don’t have a man… and when I have had one, none were ready completely for me. Am I supposed to sit around and patiently wait for the stars to align, the timing to be perfect, and for there to be no distance, to finally find a man that is ready to be the man that I need? Or am I supposed to focus on myself, my hopes, and my dreams, and if I happen to meet a man that is worthy and deserving of everything that I know that I am, inside and out, then it won’t even feel like I’ve been waiting. It will be a blessing. See, we as women give these men that aren’t ready a pass. We take them as they are and wait around hoping one day that he’ll see in us what we see in ourselves already and that he’ll accept us for the women we already know that we are like we are “supposed” to do with them. I’m no longer here for that. I shouldn’t have to wait for a damn thing. What I will do is continue striving to be the best woman I can be on my own and if a wonderful man happens to show up who wants to support my journey and vice versa, then that will be the true prize for us both.

Meet The Family?

I haven’t typed up a dialogue of my thoughts on here in ages but I thought it was appropriate today because I don’t feel like talking about it on The Twitter. SO this guy I went to school with tweeted that it’s okay for people to meet their so-called “boo joint’s” mother. I RT’d back stating in question form that “ppl meet their boo-joint’s” mom?” because that’s new to me. Probably because my definition of a “boo-joint” is just somebody that you are ‘friends’ with that you occasionally have casual sex with but there is no real commitment or feelings involved from either one or both parties. Now, back in my day (rocks in rocking chair while sipping lemonade), the only one(s) that got to meet the parents and/or family was somebody that you’re SERIOUS about. Someone that you’re in an actual RELATIONSHIP with. Someone you could possibly envision a FUTURE with. Not just any person that you’re fucking that month. How do you even introduce a “boo-joint” to your parents? SCENARIO: Me- “Hey mom this is, Fred. He’s a friend and just somebody I occasionally have sex with, but he’s not my boyfriend… Just thought ya’ll should meet.” Mom - “Okay… O_o <— Da Fuck Face”. Talking about relationships in 2011 makes me shudder because it definitely seems like all hope is lost from some of my generation. Probably because they brought their own personal lost faith in relationships from their own families to the forefront and pushed the bullshit out on us all. 

Anyway, just thought I would share. :)